The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
