this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
