Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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