Already got asked if we're dating
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
