Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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