while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
