I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
