yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
