SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
