The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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