pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
