I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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