apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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