She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
