I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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