THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
