no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
