I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
