Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
