We named our party play list daddy issues
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
