Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
