He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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