I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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