I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
