so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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