dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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