She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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