you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
