The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
