He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
