Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mom said you looked used
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
