Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
