apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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