Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
