He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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