I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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