he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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