Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
