were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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