I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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