Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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