like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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