Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
