I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
