Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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