So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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