A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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