i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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