Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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