i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
