I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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