I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
