I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
3 2 1 whiskey
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
