Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
