would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
