wanna go halves on a baby?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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