you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize