remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
