I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
