lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
