How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Two words: nipple clamps
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