she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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