You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
