:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You pole danced in your parka.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
