Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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