Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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